There is an uninvited intruder that routinely makes his way into my house. I'm not sure how he keeps getting in undetected; he has exceptional stealth. I'm also not sure why he choose our family to torment. He comes in virtually all hours, creates havoc and chaos, and then leaves without a single word. Whats more is that we have moved 1200 miles across country from Arizona to Wyoming and he actually took so much pleasure in persecuting us that he followed us from the scorching desert to frozen prairie. I fear there is no escape. In an effort to keep others safe from our tormentor, I thought I'd provide a list of recently committed crimes so you too can be on the look out. I promise you one he gets his foot in the door, there will be no end to the torture.
1. This guy comes into my house two or three times a week and poops in my toilet. This is actually my number one grievance with the jerk right now. Now fine, I understand that everyone poops, but for the love of Pete, can't he just flush the toilet?! Not only does he seem incapable of flushing, he often clogs the toilet. I discover it when the kids have left for school and I am walking down the hall and get accosted with the reek. The plunger has become my saving grace. Please, don't think for a moment that one of my precious brood has done this. Each and everyone of them has assured me that they ALWAYS flush and make sure it all goes down. No this poop is most certainly the work of some mastermind.
2. Towels. Towels. More towels. After he poops, each towel that was hanging so neatly in the bathroom is thrown on the floor in a wet heap. This makes it difficult for my kids to reuse the towels so they have to get new ones every day. It's not their fault.
3. Toilet paper. This guy likes to use the last of the toilet paper (probably used while clogging the toilet) and never puts a new one back on the holder. I must say though that there is a bit of satisfaction that come with knowing I am the only one in the house who possesses the special skill of replacing the roll. I did not realize it was such a rare, high demand skill. Who says being an at-home-mom makes one's job skills soft?
I shall stop there as the bathroom seems to be one the favorite haunts these days and having just plunged and picked up towels, it is heavy on my mind. However, do not be deceived. This guy is not limited to the bathroom. He also likes to drink the last of the milk and put the empty container back in the fridge, leave the DVDs all over the floor where the baby gets to them and ruins them, and leave shoes all over the house. My kids can't seem to figure out where this guy is coming from either. Mike suggested a possible solution though. Next clogged toilet, take a picture, post it on Facebook, and tag each of my children in it. Maybe one of their friends will help us solve the mystery.
